Solutions To Important Problems #427

It seems that we’ve decided as a society that it’s OK to leave your dog’s urine on the sidewalk. This seems to be the state of affairs. It’s not OK to leave your dog’s shit, but go ahead, leave little golden puddle treasures all over the place for me to step in. No worries at all! You know cause dog poo is super gross, but urine is fun and fresh! Leave it where it is! It’s liquid mardi-gras beads all over my city!

Well I’m going to go out here and say, I think we need to end this.

We don’t make this distinction with our own bathroom habits. It’s not like we say “Please do your shitting in the company restroom like a civilized person, but go ahead and pee in the lunch room sink if you feel the urge.” Could you imagine if we were fine peeing anywhere like dogs? You’re walking to work and Andre from accounting is peeing on a fire hydrant? The streets would run gold the second we got permission to do this as a society.

So here’s my solution. The next time you walk your dog, bring along a turkey baster and an empty soda bottle. Use the turkey baster to siphon the urine into the bottle and bring it with you. You’re already carrying a bag full of shit, a bottle full of piss isn’t going to make it any worse.

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