L. Gaga Revealed, 4th edition

I won’t tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you
Cause I’m bluffin’ with my muffin
I’m not lying I’m just stunnin’
With my love-glue-gunning

— L. Gaga, Poker Face

In this expository missive, Gaga lays bare her coy plan and dispenses with allegory and metaphor. For the listeners addled by her previous references to the “Texes Hold ‘em” style of poker, Gaga comes clean with a brash and playful yet brutally honest rap. She explains that she will not offer the typical actions of a true lover (kissing, hugging, affectionate petting, etc) because her vulva has, literally in this case, been less than honest. She is correct that she has not technically been lying according to the strict dictionary definition of the term as coitus lubricants are plentiful. Yet herein lies the essence of her thesis: she cannot reciprocate her partner’s love due to the fact that she is fantasizing that the phallus in play is actually a rubbery doppelganger, operated by the careful hand of her lesbian lover. The vast yet subtle conspiracy is finally exposed.

G.B. Lawrence from his 1842 masterwork, L. Gaga Revealed, 4th edition